You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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