he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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