The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
