i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
