9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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