your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
