Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
