I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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