Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
being pregnant is like rehab
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
