Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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