Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
operation have a gay friend backfired
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
