the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
