I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
