I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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