why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
