now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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