Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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