Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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