It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
