The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
