drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
