How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
