Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I died a long time ago.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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