I've blown a few things in my day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
