apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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