i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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