why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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