There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
