I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
