Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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