I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to get me chipped asap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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