All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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