She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
