it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
