i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
