The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
