the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
