i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
