no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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