How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need water and some morals
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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