She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
