If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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