got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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