dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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