Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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