my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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