uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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