If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
