Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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