I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
