when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
